On this fucked up mood, due to my sweaty feet. It's sweating so horribly that I must walk real slow just that my feet won't slip inwards my heel. If you're not me, you wont understand. I've plenty of high heels lying around my shoe rack that I haven't been wearing for ages. I'm someone who love wearing heels so much. For my 18 years of life I never bought any shoe /bump before. The only time I bought was due to the distance I've to walk on my current job therefore mom actually bought 1 for me. But after sometimes of wearing the shoe stink, I guess again, it's cuz of my sweaty feet that's sweating inside. And so often instead heels I choose to buy wedges. The platform often will be more rubber kind so my feet won't slip that much even if it sweat. But anw, most of my heels I've stopped wearing it due to the sweaty feet that's getting more and more ridiculous. I really don't know why I got this kind of feet. I really dislike it so much. Now, I'm going home to tell mom I wanna go operation it away if there is such cure. I don't care what she's gonna say. But I know 1 thing for sure she's gonna say I'm insane. But still, I wanna do,


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Friday


After work, trained over to lavender to meet up with the girls &walked over golden mile. Settle down at a freaking warm corner for our steamboat. I just went to toilet only and they found a place to sit. Brainless one eh those ppl. Giving us at there sauna. We're suppose to enjoy our dinner and catch up for some talks. Ended up?! Spoiled mood. Not too actually, lol. Acc darling to book Macau airticket, actually wanted to acc her go, but the ticket quite exp during dec. Like a finally settle down &cabbed home. I'd a good sleep, mom was out of town so the bed is all mine. Slept as early as 1am as my back has been aching so badly and it really made me mood swing. Woke up by Girlfriend's call she suck big time! Call just to disturb me! :<

Saturday






Suppose to meet darling 3.30pm at amk hub but I was sleeping so soundly that I woke up at 7am, 1pm and I slept back and woke up exactly on the time we're suppose to meet. Poor lil' darling, she called me plenty of time and thinking I was bathing hence she went to prepare too, lol. Jump out of the bed and met her. Quickly settle down at ichban sushi. I almost fainted, so mad hungry. Had my fav udon &the soft shell crab wrapped. Acc her for medi, pedi &we cabbed over to scape. Lonely 2 of us bought our tickets for $22 and to scare ourself and join in the halloween. I must said it's an experience for her but yet we did not planned it nicely. Few weeks or even months in advance we group chatted and asked the girls non of their respond was given so well, ended up it was a last min to scape as the other places tickets are all suppose to buy in advance, but anw it was enjoyable despite the 2 of us only. After the short walk journey in the Halloween @scape, we wanted to catch the movie, "23:59" an local army show. But the slot was full for the earliest slot. Walked down to PS and watched paranormal activity 3. Mac for my supper, mouth itchy just feel like munching onto smth hehe. After the movie, cabbed home. Just wash up and lying dead on bed. Dinner with family tmr! :D

Having to wake up early morning in the weekend is really insane! Nevertheless, I still did but was so lazy so I cab to the mrt station due to the bus that is forever coming only at least 15-20 mins if you missed the bus... breakfast @ the zoo. All the food doesn't seems to tempting for me, had nasi lemak thou. Set off our day at about 11am. No shows was watch on that particular day.. had a hard time haunting for the toilet! Sometimes later, we settle our early lunch @KFC and continue our journey and before we go off, had my all time favorite ben &jerry's. While I was eating, I was thinking back about the good old days girlfriends and I have together. During late nights rounding, we never fail to stop at the petrol for the guys to pump petrol while we went to the cheers /7-11 for ben &jerry's! We normally would buy the 3 mini tubs and quickly open the package to exchange all the favor to chocolate fudge brownie. Here you go, thats the only memory of photo been kept in my lappy! Cool right.. honestly I still miss the time spent.

In the past when we were still younger we always never thought so much about death, I remember having alot of friends that goes mad about relationship and wanted to commit suicide, or worst people like me who ever have the intention to eat those sleeping pills /those medications pill D had everytime he go visit a doc, and hoping with those pills I can just faint and without anyone recuse and just sleep and sometime later pass away peacefully, and yes, I really do have those intentions before. And also at times when D and I used to quarreled, he always clear meter and ride up to 240km, I was really terrified, but I can't do anything cuz I'm not the one riding, but most of the time he would said he wouldn't do that anymore and yet once I hopped on, he just dash through almost all the cars that's beside us along the highway, my heart almost pop out. But thank goodness, my prayers hear me and the amulet I carry with me never fail to protect me from everything. For all the times he ride without me, 10 times quarrel 10 times he dash out of the road he definitely met an accident despite me always saying to my heart myself that his safely is always my no 1. And since then my ambulet has become something really important to me, without it I really didnt know where would I be now. I ever told my close friends that despite sitting on so many vehicles never did an accident happened on me before. And I would love to know how does it really feels to met with an accident, how horrible can it be. I remember there was just once we almost met an accident due to the big lorry U-turning, the scene happened so fast and I wouldn't really see what's going on, we quickly get off the bike and thank goodness, my amulet saved me. It cracked. For all the things that ever happened I didn't know that life is so fragile. And all of this taught me a lesson that life is really fragile. People who didnt wan to go have probably left, and people who wanted to leave earlier has yet to go.. God are always unfair. And I can totally feel those who has lost someone close to them, the pain is really unbearable. Until now even though dad has left for more than a year but I still felt as if he has just passed on and I would still cry over his death sometimes. Everyone have to go someday, it's just a matter of time. But I always tell myself that I must go before mom. I'm not afraid of lonely, not afraid of anything.. It's just, I do not wan to pull myself up from where I've fall when dad passed away.. It's really a scar that lives on forever in my heart.


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This Friday night I'm spending my time at home. Got a ride home from my colleague after work earlier on! Wanted to head to town with my girl for a walk but ended up staying home instead. Nobody cooked and as usual, am so lazy to go down to buy. I called mom up to buy me fried dumplings and she's insane. She wan eat die me! Bought 15 dumplings home for me, wtf?! =.= anw just wrote finish my letter to Mr chew. My handwriting really need zatseh. Ppl see alr also won't believe is my handwriting, hahaha. Dam untidy! But well, what to do?! :( alright! Gonna end my night here. Catch up some Taiwan movie online and await for Saturday meet with girlfriend. Anw rea about the today's on my iPhone apps and now that more than 50,000 BTO house /units are gg to be built up. As I read and discussing with mom should we reconsider to get a flat? Cuz anw I thought and realized it isn't necessary, well, we are the only kin of uncle. Definitely the house we can move in anytime just like he said. And why make bother buying a new flat my mom carry such a big burden with her in paying all these? But I really missed staying in my old house alot. The surrounding area and etc. The worst part I miss is having a aircon room of my own double decker bed, my own desktop, my room filled w minnie &mickey! For a start when we first moved in, it didn't occurs me much as I tell you honestly in times I don't even take public transport back home cuz idk the way home despite back then I stayed for at least close to a year alr. Cuz most of the time I spent my time @D's place. But would still take the effort to come back talking to mom &sunday for dinner with the family! I shouldn't waste too much of my time outside and spend my time staying home keeping my mom accompany! I know big changes in me since dad deceased. The girl you see now and last time has really changed. 99.9% of the time you'll see me loitering outside, but not now &the near future too. I wan to keep my family accompany! Hmmm. I know mummy always gave us the best despite for things that are not needed just talk terms with her and we'll always be able to get it. I really salute my mom for being such a great mom, great wife and a perfect family. Bringing us up single handed isn't easy, and for all you know we don't come from a rich family. But nevertheless she tried to do all that she can. And for that, she deserve all my love, hehe. She can't go before me. If ever there's a day I've to go, let me go first before her. :D

Xoxo

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Before I end my day.. In advance I took a leave to visit chew Jiayang this
late afternoon. So glad that I'm able to sleep till noon and got myself prepared and headed over to his house to meet his mom. Seriously I can't believe I still know the way to his house, I really can't believe. Just can't recall exactly what level he stay. So instead wait for his mom downstairs. His parent fetch us over. Let rewind, it has been 4 years since I last met his parent and back then we wasn't that good. Apparently 4 years later things has changed alot. His parent wouldn't even recognized me and we would easily clique well now compared to the past. Probably I've changed and that's why people always said time change a person. We talk alot from families, studies, work &etc. His dad wasn't able to go in for a few session as I've heard. Cuz this troublesome guy have too much of friends that every month visit there will be at least 2 people.. Lol! Sis and I was rather anxious bout what are we suppose to talk to him when we see him. We're so afraid that we'll run out of topics. But to our surprise this guy is so talkative. He kept talking and wouldn't let the room to be quiet at all. He's still the same old him I've know 4 years back. Slimed down not say slim la, he's so skinny. But have become fitter! Haha. The way he talk, the way he behaves and his everything la. I hope when he's out this time he'll mend his way and not waste too much of his time sitting inside and missed out what a teenager should be doing right now. He told his mom not to let me pay the storybook but I insisted and told his mom I'll claim for him when he's out. Was indeed a experience for face to face visit. As most of the time I visit my friends are tele-visit. Alright, till here.

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If dad is still around everything will be perfectly good now. No pains, no trouble, no anything. Come into my dreams tonight. Tell me how are you doing and in exchange I wan to let you know how tough life is now daddy. In the whole family, I'm the only one who are most closet to you. I know as well you dote on me the most among the 3 of us. If you're watching up there, you'll know how much I've been crying all alone by myself always. I really wish you are here with me.

Good nights.
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Honestly speaking, I feel so lost now. I felt like I've betrayed mom. But I felt like again I didn't and what I've done is just a responsibility. What should I do? I really feel like crying out very much.


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I always never fail to get what I wan since young. Be it "something", or "someone". Be it something that require money, or someone that require times to get it, I always get it in no time. And again, because of this it doesn't made me treasure the person as well as the things that I've got. If you know me well, you'll understand what I mean by things and people that I wan. I'm easily satisfied but just a lil difficult to handle sometimes. For all the people who met me always says I'm a problematic girl which they never dream to handle. I'll throw them back, take it or leave it. In anyway I won't die without you. And that's me, accept me for who I am. Don't ask me to change for you! Mind you, I live for myself, not for anyone else. Especially the one that always taught I can never do without them. They're such a laughing stock to me. Or rather, a clown to me. ;)
Okay, goodnight! I'm heading to bed. Grandpa gg for his check up tmrw! God bless him.


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I'll warn you of this wordy posts before you start reading.

I hate how much everyone have to go somedays. Each time I hear about death, I shiver in fear. All the negative thoughts will run wild. The first time I cried so much cuz of granny's death was when I was P5. You may say it's humorous how I would recall all this which was like 7 years ago. But let me tell you, I remembered it vividly. Or rather, the whole funeral thing I would still remember, including her death date &time but I don't think it's necessary to mention. So far, I've witness 2 of my loved one death. And I seriously hope no more of it. I saw with my own eyes that grandma leave us, and so is dad too. How to live a proper life w/o thinking about those negatives thoughts with all this nightmare haunting us every now and there? Dad's death was really a sudden one for me and my family. But least granny death, we know deep inside that granny has stomach cancer. But the adults choose to kept mute bout it. Nevertheless, I knew it when I saw the medications on the plastic bag that was hung outside the bicycle along the old house corridor of mine.
No matter how much hatred you've for anyone. Be it relatives or family members. Just remember, you live only once, forgive and forget. Treasure every single one for you might not know what'll happen the next moment. It's just like a simple example, no matter how much my dad causing us to be homeless, causing so much troubles at home, causing us to live in fear, mom never really gave up on him despite so many times of burning his hands for never quitting his habit of gambling(and I won't deny, dad is really a heavy gambler that he can causes all of us to suffer along w him), despite of hearing them wanting to divorce for so many times that I'm numbed. And cuz of all this that happened, I finally realized that family are the main key. They'll be there for you be it rain or shine. Whereas friends will not be with you almost all the times, no matter how true how close the bond you share within. And for me, my family doesn't consist much of a people ever since dad deceased.

* It's always good to plan for the worst. Although, my mind is set on the negative thoughts heavily. But I am trying hard to look on the brighter side and pray that ahgong will be fine! <3 <3


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It's really a bad news for a start of Monday to received this kind of text from my cousin! I hope grandpa will be fine.
I really hate to see the one I love go one by one.. its killing me!



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I'm utterly upset with myself. I did almost perfect to all my movements(as far as I heard from my mdm &friends). But I guess probably I was too nervous having to take the "test" all alone due to certain reasons &I actually started myself w/o the command after my greeting. Okay, I was still so nervous right after the grading.. Sighhh. Okay, well. I'm simply too lazy to elaborate cuz I'm so tired hence a short post. :) I came back home got my eye /face pampered and I straight KO on the sofa till now 8pm+. Really a busy week. Can't do much this weekend! Awaiting for mom to tabao back crab for me for dinner.

Note to self: I wanna get a roller blade, a good one and lasting one that I can use it throughout. I really like blading, I rmb those days in P3 I bought 1 of my own tgt w 1 of my childhood friend @suntec city carrefour. But people changes in time, she's also even preg and I guess as well as losing hobbies of blading alr. We would usually always meet during noon time and blade as far as from hougang up till sengkang almost everyday. When I was in secondary school I joined as an "in line hockey". In any case you don't know, it's also a form of hockey but instead of using your feet. You blade while moving! Heh. But cuz since now and then I can find khakis to blade tgt alr I think I should get a proper and good one which can lasts me for quite sometimes rather than always renting it.


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Its almost 12am, I just got home quickly bathe and settle down to rest.
Work ended so late and left office at almost 8pm, and headed over to punggol, amk hub &off we go to eat our crabby! Oh yay, it's w my boss and his wife. Had 2 crabs! And add on to another 2 more dish! So full to the max.
I can sense that this weekend or rather this month is really a busy month I hv this year, I guess so? Tmrw meeting Manfred &co for dinner, as it's his birthday celebration. I almost forgotten I've to go over to my girlfriend chalet there to hv fun with them! Heh.
Saturday I might just sleep my day away till noon and camp at home for my show and late evening go for my taekwondo. Sunday will be a long day ahead as it's my taekwondo grading! Wish me all the best :D
And the following week 20 October, I'm visiting someone in prison. Almost forgot to apply for leave in advance!
Intending to open blogshop but simply have no time to head down to look at the cloths &set up a web online. Just all this occupied most of my time alr! Oh my goodness. Save me, please~

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Sometimes I'm really tired talking to anyone, be it friends, close friends or even "family members" in times.
They talk to you nicely only when they seek your help. Otherwise they just fucking talk to you like you've own them afew million dollar. And for that, I would tell you, don't even think of getting smth /info from ME. Listen good, "treat others they way you wan to be treated in return". U N D E R S T A N D?

Same goes to people who're so fake towards you but yet trying so hard to wear a face mask to prevent it from spilling it out. My question is, why make yourself suffer? Trying to put up with one another character or anything when you can just tell her straight that in actual fact both of your don't like one another. Rather than always having to act like you like he/she when the fact is you don't and having to keep mute till at the end having to gossip about one another behind. Just face it, do it right infront if you think you don't like that person and stop acting like you like that person. It benefits you in terms of good more than anything else. Understand fucking people?!


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My Saturday is gone in a blink. Woke up early like 12 in the noon and rotted at home simply so lazy to go out despite being hungry. Decided to meet mom at AMK hub for lunch along w my lil' precious. Aftermath, home to take a rest before heading to taekwondo.



Bathe &cabbed over to bishan to meet up with Desmond &the clique for a movie, "real steel". I swear I was half dead sitting at this kind of seat! Ok, whatever. Movie ended and parted w the rest.
George just sent me home. Gonna hit the bed now! Mad tired plus the giddiness. Gosh!

Weekend is here! There's only 1 word to describe my feeling which is wonderful. I can sleep at wee hours &waking up late without worrying there's work the next day, having to worry I might overslept and quickly jump out of the bed to prepare.. Officially announce that been quite sometimes since I went for a drink. Heh! Good or bad sign? Oh well, whatever. It's friday night but yet I'm lazing around my bed watching tv with my lil' precious. He's really a good company sometimes. And yes, I mean sometimes. I get irritated by him easily! He's really mischievous. But recently been slightly better. Sometimes I don't know weather to love or kill him?!
2011 is coming to an end in less than 2 months time. I haven't seems to have do much this year which I promised to study. But nevertheless, I'll study. Just the matter of time, no worries.. Soon soon! Since young mom &dad have no expectation for me therefore it leads me to what I am today, but I wouldn't blame them for that. It only gives me a mindset to have high expectation for myself. But I don't see that in me at all.
I started skipping school when I was in primary school. I become even worst when I was in secondary school. I skip class, skip school, I do alot of rebellious stuffs to teachers. I scold them whenever they tried to talk to me. Gg school only after 8am and leave school right after I've my favorite nasi padang @school canteen. Coming school with my hairs in bright colors, nail painted, improper school attire. Been expelled at the age of 14. What's all this I wonder when I think back all this now.. I even skipped my N lvl. Somehow I really regret for everything that I've done in the past. But somewhere back then, I woke up from all these and now again, I really don't know why I did all this. Lol! I don't really regret not studying, cuz I really hate studying alot? Yes? No? Really is a great experience to share with all of you. Pls study hard and graduate with flying colors to those who're taking their PSLE, O/N lvl ohh.


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Just got home from Daniel's grandfather wake.. Lying on bed but still can't sleep without updating for a day! Heh. Work is alright today. Lets all work hard and hopefully the agency will be able to hit the target! I seriously hope all them will be able to get rid of this crisis honestly. Else...... right after the 3 hour of meeting i quickly rush up my work and went off to met up with 1 of my secondary classmate! Oh well. Still as cute &handsome as ever! Hahaha. Had our dinner @tampines mall ljs &off we go(:

Morning earthling! Look, it's raining cats &dog early in the morning. Wouldn't help but to pulled myself off from bed to work! have a good day ahead!

Ate my lunch like 1pm+ and now it only 5pm and I'm feeling so hungry! Gosh. Had kfc for lunch(: feels like a pig ;/ ending work in about an hour time! Rotting infront of my desk till I can fall asleep like anytime! Argghhh. But my boss is too awesome today! He realize me from work like 1/2 an hour earlier (Y)

Well, it's 2nd of October now. On a Chinese calendar last Wednesday 28 sep was dad death anniversary. But I do not know how my mom count it too. Whatever it is, I got a very heavy heart on me that October isn't a good month to start with. Cuz I'm very fear that 9th October will approach soon. It will make me recall of all the things that happened 1 year ago.. I remember how frighten I was when the hospital called Sis phone, deep inside my heart I knew smth wasn't right cuz the nurse called Sis in the middle of the night. I was so lost, i quickly shouted and rushed out of the house shivering non stop and run to take a cab. When we reached the hospital dad was already half gone, no, I should said he was alr gone but they pulled him back a few times till we reached. Wasn't able to wake him up no matter how hard I shake on him calling him to wake up, he refuses to listen to me. He continues his sleep till in the noon 2pm and peacefully left us behind. I really tried my best calling him to wake up, I know he can hear me cuz his eye left a tear behind. It hurt me so badly seeing him suffer so much but it made me feel so hatred that he left me w/o telling me any single thing. He left to hospital eating the last meal I cooked for him, I clean his bed sheet at home awaiting for his discharge, I visit him every single day. I thought he would fight through all this stages, but no he didn't. He told me to keep his cigg, he call me almost everyday to remind me to clean his bed sheet and wait for him to come home. I cant stop thinking of the scene when i witness his death right beside his ward. And from then, I never get to see him anymore. How saddening is it? A young 52 year old dad left me when I was merely only 18 soon to be. Leaving all of us behind. His sudden depart really marks a nightmare to me. Whenever I'm alone in the bed I thought of him I would cried so badly, I miss the days when he's around. I really miss him so much. For a start I didn't dreamt of him at all. Slowly as month pass by, he enter only my dream. The dream was really so real but when I woke up I told myself, how possible would it be? Dad has already left me. I ponder around my bed and think non stop.. The 2nd time I see him in my dream again.. Again, it was really so real. The 3rd time when he came into my dream telling me he's doing well at whichever place he's at and told me he had met and accident and it's good that he go, his shadow slowly fade away and he told me he would be back to talk to me again.. Tell me, how true are all this dreams? 

I always wonder, where do the dead people go to? Do they really reborn and live once again? I really wan to know where's dad right now, this moment.

Hello! I'm back from dinner with my family members &along with girlfriend too!
Woke up rotting on bed feeling so restless. Finally pull myself off the bed, wash up and bused down to bugis with Sis to meet up with girlfriend there. Walked ard Sis got the most loots! Met up with family at 6.30pm and had our dinner at potong pasir.(; photos be up soon once girlfriend upload!

Hello! I'm back in spore. Girlfriend overslept today therefore we met up like 11+ instead of early in the morning.. Met up with Jessie at woodland interchange and we make our way to city square to settle our lunch @shilin and off we go to do some shoppings &medi/pedi @KSL and holiday plaza. Not really happy with the nails done at nail studio... The nail art aren't as great as the previous one I often go in with the clique. But well, it was so packed! Overall still nice. Had Classic gelish nails with 2 tone color.. Get our loots and off we went back to town! Drop off at woodland mrt and we headed to cwp for dinner &a short walk. Aftermath, trained back home, kinda late like almost 11pm, quickly washed up and get changed and I'm making my way down to plaza sing for movie, 1911. Stay tune!

I'm back from my midnight movie with boss and colleagues. Catch no ball bout the show at all totally! Had youtiao for supper and home sweet home.. What a dumby! I accidentally deleted on my first post that I typed =.=

On a happier note, I got all my smurf! Short of that particular one thou!