In the past when we were still younger we always never thought so much about death, I remember having alot of friends that goes mad about relationship and wanted to commit suicide, or worst people like me who ever have the intention to eat those sleeping pills /those medications pill D had everytime he go visit a doc, and hoping with those pills I can just faint and without anyone recuse and just sleep and sometime later pass away peacefully, and yes, I really do have those intentions before. And also at times when D and I used to quarreled, he always clear meter and ride up to 240km, I was really terrified, but I can't do anything cuz I'm not the one riding, but most of the time he would said he wouldn't do that anymore and yet once I hopped on, he just dash through almost all the cars that's beside us along the highway, my heart almost pop out. But thank goodness, my prayers hear me and the amulet I carry with me never fail to protect me from everything. For all the times he ride without me, 10 times quarrel 10 times he dash out of the road he definitely met an accident despite me always saying to my heart myself that his safely is always my no 1. And since then my ambulet has become something really important to me, without it I really didnt know where would I be now. I ever told my close friends that despite sitting on so many vehicles never did an accident happened on me before. And I would love to know how does it really feels to met with an accident, how horrible can it be. I remember there was just once we almost met an accident due to the big lorry U-turning, the scene happened so fast and I wouldn't really see what's going on, we quickly get off the bike and thank goodness, my amulet saved me. It cracked. For all the things that ever happened I didn't know that life is so fragile. And all of this taught me a lesson that life is really fragile. People who didnt wan to go have probably left, and people who wanted to leave earlier has yet to go.. God are always unfair. And I can totally feel those who has lost someone close to them, the pain is really unbearable. Until now even though dad has left for more than a year but I still felt as if he has just passed on and I would still cry over his death sometimes. Everyone have to go someday, it's just a matter of time. But I always tell myself that I must go before mom. I'm not afraid of lonely, not afraid of anything.. It's just, I do not wan to pull myself up from where I've fall when dad passed away.. It's really a scar that lives on forever in my heart.


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