Well, it's 2nd of October now. On a Chinese calendar last Wednesday 28 sep was dad death anniversary. But I do not know how my mom count it too. Whatever it is, I got a very heavy heart on me that October isn't a good month to start with. Cuz I'm very fear that 9th October will approach soon. It will make me recall of all the things that happened 1 year ago.. I remember how frighten I was when the hospital called Sis phone, deep inside my heart I knew smth wasn't right cuz the nurse called Sis in the middle of the night. I was so lost, i quickly shouted and rushed out of the house shivering non stop and run to take a cab. When we reached the hospital dad was already half gone, no, I should said he was alr gone but they pulled him back a few times till we reached. Wasn't able to wake him up no matter how hard I shake on him calling him to wake up, he refuses to listen to me. He continues his sleep till in the noon 2pm and peacefully left us behind. I really tried my best calling him to wake up, I know he can hear me cuz his eye left a tear behind. It hurt me so badly seeing him suffer so much but it made me feel so hatred that he left me w/o telling me any single thing. He left to hospital eating the last meal I cooked for him, I clean his bed sheet at home awaiting for his discharge, I visit him every single day. I thought he would fight through all this stages, but no he didn't. He told me to keep his cigg, he call me almost everyday to remind me to clean his bed sheet and wait for him to come home. I cant stop thinking of the scene when i witness his death right beside his ward. And from then, I never get to see him anymore. How saddening is it? A young 52 year old dad left me when I was merely only 18 soon to be. Leaving all of us behind. His sudden depart really marks a nightmare to me. Whenever I'm alone in the bed I thought of him I would cried so badly, I miss the days when he's around. I really miss him so much. For a start I didn't dreamt of him at all. Slowly as month pass by, he enter only my dream. The dream was really so real but when I woke up I told myself, how possible would it be? Dad has already left me. I ponder around my bed and think non stop.. The 2nd time I see him in my dream again.. Again, it was really so real. The 3rd time when he came into my dream telling me he's doing well at whichever place he's at and told me he had met and accident and it's good that he go, his shadow slowly fade away and he told me he would be back to talk to me again.. Tell me, how true are all this dreams? 

I always wonder, where do the dead people go to? Do they really reborn and live once again? I really wan to know where's dad right now, this moment.